Are You Feeling Alone In Your Romantic Partnership?
Do you and your partner fight about the same things over and over, only to find that the conflict and tension never resolves?
Do you fear your partner doesn’t really hear or support you?
Perhaps you put tremendous effort and care into the relationship, yet the critical change you long for doesn’t happen.
Do you feel like roommates who collaborate on household chores but nothing more?
Maybe you feel that you’re on different pages when it comes to money, parenting decisions, extended family or sexual desire.
Are you wondering if the relationship is serving you at all?
Any combination of these concerns can make you feel hopeless, especially if there has been a significant hurt in the relationship, like an affair or another betrayal. Your interactions may be marked by criticism or painful silence. Each day when you come home, you may dread interacting with your partner. It’s possible you’ve turned to work or focused more heavily on your children to avoid the tension. You might blame yourself unnecessarily or your partner. Either way, finding the “bad guy” in the relationship leads to further disconnection.
Would you like to discover what a “good” relationship looks like? Would you like to gain insight and tools to improve the connection with the person who matters most?
You Are Not Alone
At times all couples experience difficulties. This is especially true during times of major transition, such as moving, losing a loved one, changing careers, having children and more. Or, if your partner betrayed you or was emotionally absent during a critical time of need, you may feel alone in your hurt. If you’re on the other end of this, you may feel stuck in the “bad guy” role.
Over time, inadvertent hurts can become patterns that are difficult to detect and fix. Continued hurtful interactions can leave you feeling alone and misunderstood. When you are emotionally disconnected from the person who matters most, communication naturally becomes poor– even when you’re trying SO hard to be thoughtful. When you’re hurt or scared in a relationship, your behavior gets “tweaked” as a response.
For example, your interpretations of each other’s behaviors can become skewed. You may think, “this is just another example of him/her not caring” or “he/she never sees that I try, I’m never enough.”
Although these negative communication cycles feel terrible, they are also very common. In fact, the majority of stressed couples fall into these patterns. And, research shows that, on average, couples wait six years before reaching out to a therapist. At that point, hurts have built up and overwhelmed the relationship.
The good news is that I can help you navigate your patterns and teach you new ways to communicate that foster safety, connection, love and growth.
Emotionally Focused Therapy Can Help You Heal And Connect
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can be incredibly effective in helping you both understand the nature of your discord and how to overcome challenges.
When communication breaks down, your understanding of each other can get distorted. EFT exposes those distortions, then works to reconnect you in healthy, positive ways. When you’re able to open up and share difficulties in a way that leaves you both feeling heard, then you’ll feel increasingly understood, valued and loved.
With guidance and support, you can come to recognize your patterns of engagement and how to heal those dynamics at the root. This is not to say that you will never argue or feel pain again; rather, EFT can help you find your way back to each other faster, without the residue of chronic disconnection.
By learning how to interact in more positive, connected ways, you’ll also prevent many future hurts. Ultimately the goal of relationship counseling is to create a secure attachment between you and your partner that empowers you both to navigate relational stresses with increased ease and strength. This leaves you both feeling closer.
I have extensive experience working with couples in every stage of their relationship, from premarital counseling to those who have been married over 20 years. I am devoted to helping couples detangle hurts and begin to make positive steps forward.
You may still have questions or concerns about marriage counseling…
I’m afraid couples therapy will be another place for my partner to express how awful I am.
It is not uncommon for one person in the relationship to fear that they will be emotionally pummeled in therapy.
The beauty of the EFT is that shaming and blaming tactics are clearly identified as not helpful. Therefore, there is no place for them here. As an experienced couples therapist, I am excellent at mediating these situations.
The overall goal of marriage therapy is to understand your partner’s emotional experience, which bridges the gaps in understanding and leads to transformative healing.
I’m afraid couples counseling will make things worse.
There is no doubt that seeking out therapy is courageous. It’s like diving into a swimming pool of your pain, and going into unchartered territory can feel scary.
With that being said, the goal is to answer questions about the future of your relationship and improve connection. We explore the anger, resentment, frustrations and hurt in order to resolve tension, not increase pain.
Relationship counseling is a safe place to explore your difficulties and discomforts and process pain. This process allows you both move closer to one another.
How long does couples counseling take?
I know that you want to experience relief as soon as possible. Oftentimes couples come in with complex hurts, problems or issues that have persisted for a long time, sometimes years.
The length of therapy depends on your commitment level and the complexity of your patterns. If there is significant pain, it could take time, effort and commitment to resolve tensions.
With the guidance of an experienced relationship therapist, you can set reasonable expectations and work swiftly toward them. With time, commitment and help, it’s completely possible to reconnect and thrive as a couple.
What Clients Are Saying
“My husband has always resisted therapy, but when we had some big changes in our family, we agreed that we needed help! Rachel has a way of understanding both of our perspectives and helped us better understand each other.
We are now able to communicate in ways that do not keep us stuck in our old patterns. Rachel understood the complicated nature of our blended family, the stress it added and how it impacted our relationship. My husband and I are so grateful we stopped trying to go it alone. We highly recommend working with Rachel to any family experiencing stress!”
~J & W, Boulder, CO
You Deserve A Connection Relationship
If you have any further questions about couples counseling or my practice, please visit our contact page or call 720-504-8489 for a free 30-minute consultation.